A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
