Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
