Don't make out with my wife yet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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