well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
