The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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