dude i'm inner monologue high
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
