My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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