just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
