I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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