ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize