Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
