Quick, to the slutcave!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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