Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
