How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Never joke about your clitoris.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
