well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
