she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
