I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
