good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
