I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The best revenge is premature balding
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
