why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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