How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
