Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
