just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
pray to the hookup gods
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
