How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize