I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
