i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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