this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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