Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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