My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
