i think my tv is drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
