I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
