forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
