My sheets look like a crime scene.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
how does that bad decision feel?
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