shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize