woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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