Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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