sorry about calling you the devil all night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
