i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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