For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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