There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
