Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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