just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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