tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
