Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
