he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
