Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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