Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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