I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is Oprah even human
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
