do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm really busy with my period
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