I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize