If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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