haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
