I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
