Barsexuality is the new black.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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