i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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