If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
