That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
