Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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