***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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