I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
