if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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