It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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