i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
