I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
